Search Engines

I often use the nifty Google search feature ‘define’ to look-up definitions of dictionary words. There are a few widgets kicking-about on the various desktop environments I use; but none are quicker than firing up my browser and hitting ‘define something’ and receiving a response (apparently something is a single by Lasgo from the album ‘Some Things’, according to Google).

However, I discovered that if you don’t type something in quickly enough, an AJAX trigger calls up Google to suggest some definitions, presumably stored in a trie somewhere on-line, to auto-complete the form. Interestingly, it doesn’t even wait for a first-letter suggestion, so typing in ‘define’ and waiting a few seconds gives you the top-ten words people want definitions for.

Assuming that people looking for definitions are in want of understanding of a given phrase, or want a better, clearer representation of these concepts, it makes for an interesting list:

Globalisation – growth to a global or worldwide scale; “the globalization of the communication industry”
My definition: The prevailing free-market idealology of the last thirty years. Big business can go where they like, in a post-nationalist, centralised, hierarchical and acutely unequal world.
Quite why the uneducated, semi-literate masses would be interested in a system that is designed for their superior plutocratic banking masters seems a mystery.

Narcissistic - egotistic: characteristic of those having an inflated idea of their own importance.
It makes sense that narcissists would neglect to learn this definition until it had reached an advanced stage, as it would require a sufficient degree of empathy for them to consider how other people perceive them in the first place. Of the definition, they probably thought ‘that doesn’t apply to me’, before returning to Twitter to tell their followers what they had for breakfast that morning.

Love – a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; “his love for his work”; “children need a lot of love”
Huey Lewis’ definition: “The power of love is a curious thing, it makes one man weep and another man sing”.
We might have hoped that Love would have made it in the list; there is still some interest in this essential emotion it seems. The narrow definition thrown-up by Google seems both consice and completely inadequate. Does anyone know what this thing is? Spinoza says rather un-poeticly, “Love is joy, accompanied by the idea of an external cause” and goes on to say that “love and desire can be excessive”. Schopenhaur gives the game away when he says: “Every kind of love, however ethereal it may seem to be, springs entirely from the instinct of sex”. Perhaps if he were alive today and working at Google, he’d put ‘Did you mean : sex‘ above the search results.

Culture – a particular society at a particular time and place; “early Mayan civilization”
No, I think Google’s got the wrong idea here. People are searching for culture because they are in want of it: they’re trying to justify an existance on reality TV, auto-tuned boy/girl-bands, sports enacted by millionaires and naff video clips on-line. Perhaps they were hoping for the definition: “watching operas through Twitter”.

Marketing- selling: the exchange of goods for an agreed sum of money
I thought this was an interesting definition, because I thought marketing was something to do with questionnaires, cold-calling, advertisements and sponsorships. But as it goes, its nothing to do with that at all- its all just selling shit. Presumably our narcissist works in marketing? If so I’m sure he’d have something to say to improve that definition. Maybe: ‘the essential activity of producing jingles, brochures and slogans that enables informed buying decisions, without which the world would come to an end’.

Motivation – the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior) “we did not understand his motivation”; “he acted with the best of motives”
Must we imagine a scene when a boss or someone’s dad says “You should change your attitude- get motivated”, and some hapless person who doesn’t really know what this means, rather than asking someone, reaches to their keyboard to ask Google what it is? Hardly self-actualisation. I suppose we must credit Google users for being bothered to find out what its definition is.

Communication - the activity of communicating; the activity of conveying information; “they could not act without official communication from Moscow”
Of all the things two human beings could communicate, this definition is illustrated by some obscure allusion to Cold war Russia. Are people searching for a definition of communication on Google, because somehow, e-mail, twitter, facebook and instant messaging don’t capture the range of human emotion in communication? Do we want to communicate more effectively? Is anyone actually listening? Do you love me baby? Leave me a comment. Don’t forget to rate!

Stress – the relative prominence of a syllable or musical note (especially with regard to stress or pitch); “he put the stress on the wrong syllable”
A corporate cover-up? Maybe Google isn’t just censoring China. Of course, people are searching for definitions to the spectrum of mental sufferings we know today as stress; or the deep contradiction we feel in ourselves that maybe we amount to more than hamsters on a wheel, struggling for bits of paper, in contrast with our natural inclination to live, thrive and survive, with possibily a bit of room for the appreciation of the sublime beauty of life. But don’t worry about stress. Take a deep breath and carry on. Of course your job is important! Without you, the entire globalised word would come crashing down.

Recession – the state of the economy declines; a widespread decline in the GDP and employment and trade lasting from six months to a year.
Ahh yes, the recession. The definition of (1) neglected to mention that part. The good news is that Google predicts the recession is only going to last a year in the worst case.
Who would require clarification on the definition of recession? Presuambly not wind-farm workers out of a job. Maybe MPs trying to play down the financial problems of the last year are looking for some positives in the definition, maybe a blog for ‘top ten tips for beating a recession’.

Health – a healthy state of wellbeing free from disease; “physicians should be held responsible for the health of their patients”
A weak definition when read up to the first five words in, that improves slightly by the end. A rather negative definition too; absence of disease doesn’t necessarily indicate health. According to the World Health Organisation, depression is the second-largest thief of disability-adjusted-life-years, or the sum of time lost to a disability, in the 15-44 age group, and is projected to be for all ages by 2020. What do they know that we don’t? That a futureless, indebted, cultureless, stressed, under-motivated, sex-mad, unemployed, mis-communicated, bunch of marketing narcissists can’t get it together and all end up depressed? Define gutted.

The web’s great isn’t it? We don’t need art, philosophy, community or religion to help us understand the word: just ask Google!

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